You are lost

You’ve never lived in a democracy, and all your votes for “change” won’t stray the course of destruction the true leaders of this country have intended for us. Any true opposition was stifled long ago, and what few dissenting voices were allowed to reach the mainstream are being stifled and snuffed out. Enjoy your super-fucking-tuesday.

My discontent doesn’t come from voter apathy; I’ve watched the debates on both sides and I’ll cast my vote, as much of a waste of time as either action may be. My problem is I care. I care about rigged elections for new faces for the same puppeteers because ultimately it effects me.

And the fact that I hear more of you fuckers talking about super bowl sunday than this make me feel like you deserve it.

Some updates:   My car is fixed.  We had to replace the Idle Air Control which only cost around $50 and took all of 30 minutes to do, including the trip to get the part.  My computer is also fixed and will be back up over the weekend.  This will allow me to do some updating, post some new photos perhaps, and most importantly my cats won’t have to fight for lap space with my laptop.

I haven’t ranted in a while, to explain the last post.  I’ll try to do it more often as well.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I must tidy up some lose ends before work.

Can you hear me? I’m over here. Shh. Just keep shuffling along like you’ve got no purpose. It’s the easiest way to blend in with them. Them? Mannequins. Soul-less things with human form. They’re everywhere these days.

In my memory they’ve always been numerous, but it seems that they were easier to spot before. They’ve become more lifelike recently. Some echo words I’ve heard before; some bumper-sticker sentiment aimed to coax this apathetic demographic target to their siren’s call. It doesn’t matter if the message is familiar or unique, the source is still only an echo, one of many replications that roam around in warm flesh.

And I thank your father’s semen for this cheap excessive life, because if it weren’t for all of these decoys, these walking commercials with billboards on their backs, these gaping mouths that indiscriminately devour every resource at their disposal, this commodity of purposeless drones diluting the value of the human experience, if it weren’t for them I’d be an easier target.

As I’ve drifted through the labyrinth of human shapes I’ve met some other originals, like you. Some were hiding, some were fighting, and some were broken or dead. Some couldn’t fit the mannequin’s mold and destroyed themselves trying. Others were sacrificed to build it, and now wander the parking lots they watched their brothers die for; looking for a little sympathy, some spare change and a way to escape it, even if it’s drug induced and temporary.

Fortunately the mannequins seem destined for self destruction; an internal death wish to fulfill prophetic visions they’ve never understood. Through meaningless life they wish for ultimate death; something divine and definite, to be the conclusion if nothing more.

Another cigarette butt in an overflowing ashtray.

Just coffee today.  No orange juice, no NyQuil, no cherry-menthol cough drops.  At least for me.

The sickness touched down on our house this week.  Just about everybody has called in at least once, making this a very expensive time of recovery for us.  Sara’s still not feeling well, Linh had a fever of about 101 or so, and the bout of cold winds, rain and overnight slushing we received didn’t help.

After nearly 4 days of kicking it in bed doped up on DayQuil drifting between consciousness and video games I’m feeling better.  The voice is still a little raspy, but I’m functional… and feeling behind on things.

This year’s going to go by too quickly…

Hello everyone.  Here’s wishing you the best in the coming year.  As a disclaimer, I believe every moment of any day is a good day to start anew, but since the New Year presents an easier measurement for a clean slate I have decided on my resolutions for the next 366 days, so I thought I’d share them with you briefly.

I know I’ve been pretty bad about posting updates and all, not that there’s much to report when you’re living paycheck to paycheck, but writing more often than once a month is part of an all encompassing resolution that I have entitled:  Get Your Shit Together.  I’m a pretty well organized individual as you all know, but in the broken language of my mother tongue “My shit is all apart.”  Far from that loathsome cry of “Get-R-Done” but with a similar principle.  Books on the shelf?  Read them.  Partially through a video game?  Complete it.  Paperwork strewn about, weight bench gathering dust, laundry laying about and crap you don’t need cluttering your valuable living space?  Get your shit together.

My second resolution is simplistic enough, but harder to practice:  Make More From Less.  This originally was intended in a financial sense, but I will try to apply it to every possible aspect of life I can.  With decreased monies and increased debts it’s a must, but time is also a resource.

Speaking of time, I must be getting ready for work.

So in addition to all the previous distractions that keep me from updating more frequently, my computer got aids.  Bad aids.  Shut down your computer and won’t let you in to safe mode aids.  Keylogger trojans and viruses aids.  Big fat pile of suck, fail and aids.

So my ever increasing list of things I need to do gains another item in the important/immediate sector, right next to win lottery and fix car.

It’s become chillier down here.  We had some snow for about a day.  Despite lack of snow and warm sunny days it gets pretty cool in the evening, and chilly when the wind starts blowing.

Not much else to report on at the moment.  I’ve been working alot, and my time in between shifts isn’t very eventful.  It’s pretty quiet around here, until we start up the video games and war-gaming.

Since it’ll be a while before I post again:  Seasonal greeting type things.  Enjoy winter if you have one, throw some snowballs and drink some schnapps.  Slip on the ice, fall on your ass and remember, you can’t do that any other time of year.  Unless of course you’re in Montana where it can snow in June.  In which case stick with the schnapps.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted.  Here’s what’s new:  not much.

For the last month I’ve been working, doing laundry, sleeping, cleaning the house, cooking dinner, washing dishes, playing with the cats and all the normal stuff I usually do.

Sounds pretty boring huh?  Yeah, not too exciting.

Work is getting better though.  I’ve had 5 100% secret shops, I’ll be getting another raise on my next check (still in my probationary period and I’ll be over $10/hour) and I’m now assured 40 hours a week.

On nights where time isn’t a concern the men of the house (and sometimes Linh too) have been playing Risk.  Is good times.  Someday soon I’ll get them all to play Diplomacy.

I’ve been spending extra time reading the news and studying up on Asia.  This is where the majority of my free time which I was using for updating the site went.  Wake up, get coffee, read news, research, smoke, shower, go to work, come home, cook dinner, play with kittens, play video game/ read, go to bed.

I realize I’ve still got some unfinished posts for the long story thing… which I had intended to finish first.  I figured I’d at least post to say hello and all that.

July 24th, aside from being my birthday, was also my last day at Finnegans. The next 7 days were to be spent cleaning and packing to be out of our apartment on the 31st. The need to visit family before leaving the state was also a pressing issue. Being relatively efficient about things, we managed to have most everything done early enough to visit my family by the 29th.

We returned to Missoula the night of the 30th and had an impromptu goodbye bbq. The idea had been tossed around a bit for a while, but the actual happening got thrown together within an hour of coming home. Despite the short notice a good number of people were able to make it and a good time was had by all. It was nice to have some kind of celebration on Sara’s birthday.

The 31st we finished cleaning and moved out. Jim & Heidi had graciously lent us the use of their garage for storage and with the help of Jared and Larry we had everything packed away. The mass exodus wasn’t to begin until the 6th of August, so Sara and I went to stay at Matt & Lihn’s. With cats.

The cats presented a couple of issues. First off, Matt & Lihn are allergic to cats. Secondly, they weren’t allowed to have pets at their apartment. And lastly, we were informed that certificates of health were required by the state of Arizona to be presented at the port of entry. The cats, especially Puff, were already panicked by the moving around, and now they had to get shots. Sara’s mother had volunteered her services to haul a trailer for us, and since the cats would be riding with her for the trip we decided to take them up to her place after their appointment.

It was about here that the first piece of bad news dropped. Matt’s family had been prospecting houses in the Camp Verde area with us in mind. The housing market had dropped but the sellers weren’t budging. As anyone with a sound business mind would do they refused to overpay. Unfortunately we were now to be moving across the country without a distinct destination.

Sara and I proceeded to visit her mother, stopping along the way to visit her grandmother. We decided while we were at it to visit my grandparents. Rather than go back through Missoula we decided to take the scenic route, driving through Glacier National Park on the way to Choteau. We stopped in Hungry Horse to see the “House of Mystery” on the way.

Family obligations fulfilled we returned back to Missoula to more bad news. The reason we were leaving on the 6th was because Matt’s friend’s wedding was on the 5th. The bachelor party wasn’t the wild night of debauchery most bachelor parties are, but at the end the best man was shot and killed in the Westside Lanes parking lot. Matt, under the most unfortunate of circumstances, was now to be best man.

Sara’s mother arrived late on the 5th.  My mother had come in to town and stayed late, fulfilling a wish Sara and I had entertained for a while:  having them meet.  They hit it off like a couple of school girls, giggling away and exchanging stories of childhood debauchery and such.  It was magical.  Unfortunately it had to end, my mother had to leave before it got too late.  We parked the trailer in the Wal-Mart parking lot and began loading up. It was well after midnight by the time we were finished.

We slept in a bit late the next day, and with some extra delays we didn’t get on the highway until evening. It was already dark when the rain started, forcing a stop in Deer Lodge for windshield wipers; it had been so hot and sunny I hadn’t realized my wipers were shit. New wipers equipped, we resumed but not for long. Not even 10 minutes down the road my driver-side wiper flies off my car and I’m blinded with rain. We stop in Deer Lodge, again, go to the same shop and get another set of wipers, attach them and continue. We had hoped to make it past Salt Lake City to Beaver, instead we settled for Idaho Falls. We found a hotel and settled down for not enough rest.

Despite getting up early it was after noon before we got back on the road. Matt and I had gone to get an air filter for my car, which had decided to give me the “check engine soon” light as of recent, and managed to find a tobacco outlet on the way. The girls and Steven went to get Subway while Sara’s mother and grandmother went to Denny’s.

I’ll stop to mention here that Sara’s grandmother is diabetic. She needs to eat certain foods at regular intervals to maintain her blood sugar. When on a tight budget and trying to get from point A to point B with as few hotel stops as possible on the way, we all felt frequently delayed by the grandmother, who had invited herself along for this venture. However, I will also mention, organizing 7 people to go somewhere is also difficult, and we delayed ourselves just as much. In an additional note, I will state that there are some character flaws to the grandmother that deter any feelings of sympathy one might expect to see here.

We managed to make it to Beaver on the 2nd night, barely. We were about 60 miles out when everyone started getting drowsy. We found a coupon for discounted rooms at a Mom & Pop style hotel in Beaver and made reservations. The old man who owned the place was kind enough to stay up to check us in, though obviously very tired. We made our way to our rooms. I took a few pictures of the glowing electric palm tree out front before going to bed.

We decided to sleep in a bit to catch up on some much needed rest. I rose fairly early still and proceeded to take a shower. The shower floor was slippery, and I lost my balance. I reached for the curtain rod, which wasn’t fastened to the wall, and it and I went falling to the floor, causing some damage to the bathroom and myself. The rod had made a big long gouge in the wall and mirror, I managed to hit my hip on the toilet, my back on the sink, my head on the door and gouged my leg on the toilet paper dispenser. Bruised, sore, bleeding and a little dazed I got up and surveyed the damages. Not cool. I toweled off, got dressed, bandaged my leg and after regaining my dignity complained to old man.

About 20 miles past Beaver is highway 20, which leads to the 89. It’s the prettiest stretch of Utah I’ve ever seen. It conjures up imagery of old western movies, cowboys driving cattle into the undeveloped west, etc. As we traveled the 89 the scenery changed, reminding me of Road Runner cartoons. Reds and browns, dry and desolate, vast stretches of nothingness.

We reached Kanab, where we the 89 splits.  We could either head east to Page or head south to Freedonia.  Both roads would meet up again at Bitter Springs and take us to our destination.  Judging by the map the stretch to Page seemed less twisty and rough so we chose that.  What we hadn’t considered is the Grand Staircase.  The road to Page took us straight up a steep incline that threatened to overheat the truck and most of the cars, causing us to pull over for a time to let the engines cool.  Then a rapid descent full of twists and turns that required riding the brakes all the way down, then finally a flat straight road leading out of Utah.

Just outside of Page was the port of entry station. We stopped to check the cats in, presenting papers only to be told domestic animals don’t require papers. What? I spent over $200 on those papers! Humor me and look at them! Slap in the face. We continue, driving through Page.

A little before Page, in that dry arid stretch of the 89, is a town called Big Water. Why would a town called Big Water be in the middle of this desert-like terrain? Because Lake Powell, a very sizable body of water, is out here. Lake Powell feeds a hydro-electric dam in Page, which you have to drive over as you enter into Page. It was partially this distraction that led to the grandmother slicing her hand open.  We made our way to a Wal-Mart, being the nearest thing around that wasn’t a hotel or IHOP.

We dropped the grandmother off out front so she could go to the pharmacy and bandage up while we proceeded to park.  It was upon completing this task that Matt’s radiator became a geyser, shooting coolant 10 feet into the air.  While he tended to this problem we became informed that the grandmother had severed the tendon to her thumb and needed to go to the hospital.

To be continued…

I’ve got my eyes on Bagdad. No, that’s not a typo; I’m looking at Bagdad Arizona… with hope. It’s got a big fat mine with a big fat list of entry level jobs with big fat numbers for pay. I’m applying today. I’d go more into detail about the various draws and benefits and such, but I’m still on my first cup of coffee.

Aside from that, I went 15 days without smoking. I decided, and most everyone agrees, that I’m a happier person when I smoke. They’re not cheap, but seriously, I don’t have a lot else down here. With the exception of those I moved with all my friends are back north, my family is back north, the nearest folf course is 80 miles away. Reading and video games only do so much and I hate my job. Physically it’s bad; spiritually it’s beneficial.

I’m working on a series of upcoming posts that will detail the trip down for those who might be interested.

I’m listening to the new KMFDM album Tohuvabohu and I don’t know exactly how I feel about it. Not bad, it’s just not as intense as Hau Ruck was. It sounds like it’s lacking something…

More coffee. Bye!

Starbucks, as a corporation, blows.  As a job it is unrewarding.  But one thing nice about being employed there is it isn’t stressful.  At least not by comparison to the work I’m used to.

So I’ve taken advantage of that.  I’m a non-smoker again.

It’s been 5 days so far.  Not long yet, I know, but for all of you who’ve been/are smokers you know 5 days without a cigarette feels pretty damn long.  And I miss it too.  Not in the craving way (although I still have cravings) but in all the ways that smoking can be so beneficial for a person.  I miss the social aspect, the meditative qualities and the capability to call time out in the middle of work to stop and take 5 minutes for myself when I need to (I still can, but having a habit to blame made it easier and less questionable).

Despite it being my choice and beneficial to do so, I somehow blame all you non-smokers for this.  I know they’re bad for me, cancer causing carcinogens and pesticides and second hand smoke blah blah blah.  You give me 2 legal drugs to choose from and 1 of them impairs your capability to operate heavy machinery and can’t be used on the job under penalty of termination.  The other you tax so heavily and wage so many personal wars against that it no longer becomes feasible or affordable to use anymore.  Thanks puritanical america.  I can’t wait until gas reaches $8.00 a gallon so you know just what this is like.

Seriously, my choice.  I just miss it.